Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I have been visiting other step parent blogs recently and found one sight particularly disturbing. Now maybe I would be more "appreciative" of this sight if I did not or did not want to get along with my kids step mom or ex.

Basically the blog is being written by a step mom and bashes the bio mom every chance she gets. Why??? I don't understand.

Truthfully there have and are times that I don't agree with my ex. There have been times that I don't agree with step mom, does this give me a reason to bash them??? No...

One of the latest bashing was her gloating about a situation where they were supposed to have the kids and (from her perspective) the bio mom was completely unreasonable, so they went to the court and the court ruled in step mom's favor. So she was writing about how wonderful it was to be proven right and "justified".

The interesting part came when someone (didn't leave their name) posted a comment about how the story made her sad and that it should be about the kids.

This blogger went on to tell the anonymous person how wrong she was and that the kids needed to understand about being right etc, etc, etc....basically trying to justify her actions.

I have refrained from posting a comment on there since I don't believe that at any point this step mom wants to try and work on things and I would be wasting my breathe. I feel terrible that the kids are the ones that suffer when parents can not work things out or at least be civil.

This does not mean you have to be great friends (although in my case it has been that way), but rather come to some understanding that does not involve the kids knowing anything about it.

There are many different ways to communicate these days in the information technology world. If you can't or don't feel like you can talk face to face, send an email or write a letter. Keep it to the basics. And for goodness sakes don't teach your kids that it is more important to be right then it is to worry about their feelings!!


Jill Davis Doughtie said...

Blog posts like that make me really uncomfortable, too. I don't know that specific one you're writing about, but I've seen lots of blogs like this. Kids are so powerless and so often torn between parents in these situations. It just doesn't seem right to work so hard at fighting but not to work even harder at understanding and stretching and reaching out, over and over.

True, being a stepmom can be crazy hard. But these are little kids we're talking about. This is our chance to grow.

simplicity said...

I know exactly which one you're referring to and even contemplated posting a comment but realized it would be a complete waste of time and energy that I don't have.

Agreed, completely!

Something else I think about that is how would those kids feel if they ever "accidentally" read some of the remarks made about their mom...not that that stepmom would ever intentionally want them to see or know that (I think?!) but wouldn't that totally be a blow to the kids too?

You may not always see eye to eye with someone but you really have to decide what's worth it and what's not.

Good post for my late night meandering. Oy!